Yes? I’m listening.
Good. It’s good to know you’re listening, that’s very very good to know.
Question: How Do You Feed the World?
Yes? How do you feed the world?
Hmm. Hold on Professor. Hold on hold on hold on.
I just got off an ominous call with my father. He just made me aware of the mind-darkening possibility that he might lose his job very soon.
That’s heavy. I also talked with my mother a while ago. She’s not at all happy with the state of things in Nigeria- the country where birth happened to designate as the starting point for my journey of life. She says the prices of commodities are rising, and that civil servant salaries aren’t exactly following suit. That is worrying- that is very worrying.
I haven’t received pocket money from home in about a year. Well I also haven’t asked. And so maybe it makes sense. Maybe that makes sense.
Well the truth is that I haven’t asked, because I am undeniably ensconced in the awareness that there does not really exist any money on the other end for me.
The condition is made even worse with the current exchange rates. Conversion to dollars turns already inconsequential Naira into impotent wind.
Wait professor what were you asking me again? How to what? How to feed the what?
Hold on. Hold on, hold on, hold on. Give me a little more time, please give me a little more time.
Give me a little more time, I’m on my way.
So. My roommate went shopping earlier today. Costco. Apparently it’s an American thing. I told him to get me cinnamon bread while he was at it. I love cinnamon bread. I’ve practically been addicted since he first introduced me to it.
Did I give him the money to buy my dear cinnamon bread for me with?
Nah. Nah, not exactly.
Do I have the money to pay him back?
Nah. Nah, not exactly.
Do I know when- when exactly I’m going to be able to pay my roommate back for said Cinnamon bread?
Nah. Nah not exactly.
Wait wait. What was your question again? How to what? Feed the what? How to feed the what?
The world? How to feed the world?
Ah. Ah okay. Okay I got it. Okay I’m ready now.
You are- without consideration for all of my concerned conditions, suggesting that I put myself up on a very very very very very privileged thinking pedestal. Suggesting that I assume a shoe size that some people- people who other people genuinely, deservedly, feel should be taken seriously, will say is too big for my minuscule self, but Professor there’s no problem, I assure you there is none- none at all, None whatsoever Professor. None, I assure you.
I should be up to the task- I mean, I should, I have to, that’s the point of all of this isn’t it?
You know what I’m going to do?
I’m going to ignore the fact that the person life is addressing me as right now, is in stark dissonance with whoever it is that your question Professor, is currently addressing me as.
Cases in Point:
According to Bank of America right now, I am worth negative ten dollars.
And that’s just by the way- there’s still overdraft protection pending.
But that’s not the issue.
The issue right now is the world- the double u double u double u, the whole wide world; how do we feed IT?
According to my father right now, do you know who I am?
You don’t? You don’t know who I am?
Ah. Okay. Hold on. Hold on let me do some exposition:
Who am I?
I am the quotidian hunger-stricken boy originating from the land mass of Africa-
I am the nondescript bony prepubescent humanoid reverently, non-negotiably because that just is the way things have to be, clad in hunger pants-
I am a faceless straggler in the eyes of Mister oh-ah-all-of-the-interesting-and-exciting-planetary-progress-
I am a severely nondistinctive individual who, for some incontestably unearthable, cavernously-nested reason-
reason amenable to intimation ONLY by the perpetually indecipherable overarching intelligence agency of the can-be-depended-on-to-be-ever-elusive divine,
has undeservedly, note: undeservedly, been spared some crumbs of omni-benevolent pity by being extricated from the infernal imbroglio of the otherwise inescapable continental snare of concentrated woe.
And that- that, ladies and gentlemen, is who I am.
But of course, all of that does not matter. I have just been asked a question.
And I should step up to the plate:
Mayowa, How do you feed the World?