Case 1: Mr John vs Mr Tobi.
Hello. My name is Mr Tobi.
Last week I was found guilty of stealing a sum of money from a co-worker, Mr John. I stole my colleague’s money because I was broke. I was direly in need of cash and he just happened to be careless with his money. I figured he probably had much more than he could properly manage anyway.
I was caught and made to face this court. As I said, I was found guilty of the crime. As punishment, I am going to spend the rest of my life in a livid fiery furnace. The furnace will be continually stoked to its highest temperature to maximise my suffering. I am going to be roasted alive, to no end. Care will be taken to ensure that the fire does not kill me, and my suffering will be made to last for as long as possible.
That is my punishment. That is my punishment for stealing from a co-worker.
Case 2: The People vs. He Who Will Not Be Named.
Hello. I do not think I need to introduce myself. You most probably know me. No, you most certainly do.
A while back I did something that wasn’t really nice. I killed a number of people. Murdered them. They all got me angry so I took their lives. How did I kill them? I drowned them. All of them.
How many people did I drown?
You know what? I’m actually not sure. But they were many. Very many. Definitely in the millions. Maybe even in the billions. Hitler ordered the killing of about six million Jews. Compared to me however, he was a saint. All hail Saint Hitler. Hah.
And so what is the punishment for my crimes? What fiery furnace will I be condemned to for the rest of my existence? For how long will I be burnt alive?
Haha. I laugh. Me? Punishment? Who dares think of punishing me? Do you even have an idea who I am?
I mete out punishment to people who violate my commandments, not the other way around. I condemn people to spend eternity in a roaring fire because I am who I am, and no one dares question my judgement. That is the way things are, and that is the way things will continue to be, simply because I have decreed it to be so.
But to be honest, I felt bad after killing all those people- believe me I did. But I made up for it? How?
I gave them a rainbow. I gave them a pretty kaleidoscope in the sky for them to look at and feel good. The few who were still alive anyway- I think they were eight. I killed everyone on earth, except eight people. Yeah. I get pretty pissed sometimes. Just hope I never get pissed at you.
So yeah. This entire court is hilarious. Yes I killed all those people. I killed all those people because they got me angry, and there is nothing- absolutely nothing any of you puny beings can do about it.
This was a severe waste of time.