On Stoic Hearts and Scar Tissue.

I wonder what my heart looks like.

 

There in my chest, pumping- always pumping. Never for once stopping for air- never for once stopping to catch its breath.

— Pumping. Always pumping.

 

I wonder what my heart looks like.

 

Scarred. Definitely scarred. Very scarred.

Strange: The insulating protection offered my ribcage did absolutely nothing to shield my heart from emotional scarring. Absolutely nothing.

I hope the scars do not affect its pumping. I hope they do not restrict its movement or anything like that. Scar tissue might not stretch as much as normal tissue- could prevent the heart from expanding as much as is needed to adequately pump blood.

No wonder I get lightheaded at times. Not enough blood being pumped. Not enough blood being pumped at all.

 

I wonder what my heart looks like.

 

I wonder what it does with all of that pain from lost love- from love not just lost, but forcefully torn away. Jarringly detached.

My heart is definitely scarred. Definitely.

Hm, I just realised something. These scars are probably going to last forever. Till the end of my life at least. Wounds heal yes, but scars- scars are a different ball game entirely.

I’ll probably always experience this painful throbbing every once in a while. Probably always. Consequence of the scarring. Implications of scar tissue. 

 

Of love lost. Of smiles gone dark. Of little happiness bulbs conclusively detached from electricity.

 

I wonder what my heart looks like.

 

 

 

 

[ Image Credits: https://tinybuddha.com/blog/never-ashamed-scar-4-lessons-self-acceptance-resilience/ ]

Estrangeiro.

Hey.

Would you like to talk?

Hey.

I enjoyed talking with you. I really enjoyed talking with you.

Hey.

What are you doing this afternoon?

Hey!

I enjoyed this afternoon. I really enjoyed spending time with you.

Hey.

Would you like to come hang out?

Just company. It doesn’t matter if you have work to do. I’ll just hang around and provide company.

You know what? I think we’re soulmates.

Will you be my girlfriend?

We’re doing great, we’re doing so so so so great.

I miss you.

Hey!

I’ve missed you. I’ve missed you so much. Come here.

Hey.

Why did you do that?

Why did you do that to me?

Stop. Stop, I don’t like it.

You’re not listening.

Hey.

I miss you.

Hey.

Would you like to talk?

No?

Hey?

Hey?

…………

. White noise .