This post is one in a Series. A list of all of the posts in this Series can be accessed here.
I am at a cooking gas depot.
The name of the outlet is “Second Coming Cooking Gas”.
Second coming, as in the second coming of Jesus Christ the son of the one true God according to the Christian bible.
Second coming, as in the prophesied event where said son of God slowly descends with his physical body into the earth’s atmosphere from outer space (where there is no oxygen required for the respiration of said physical body)- descending very gracefully, against the usual expectations consequent of gravitational acceleration- either according to Newtonian mechanics or General Relativity.
Like, who the fuck is Newton. Who the hell is Einstein. We’re talking about Jesus Christ here. Einstein and Newton combined and accelerated towards the speed of light so their total mass exponentially proliferates without bound, are nothing next to the almighty son of the Christian God, what are you talking about.
The first time I saw the “Second Coming Cooking Gas” depot as I was journeying along the expressway in a public transport bus, I promised myself I was never going to buy cooking gas from there.
Second Coming. Of all the problems on ground, it’s some weird strange clairvoyant anticipation these ones are trying to foster. Please go sit down somewhere. These ones don’t even know what is going on.
There are gunshots up ahead. People are shooting at the Shoprite Mall at Sangotedo.
Okay.
So, I know I said I never wanted to have anything to do with these Second Coming guys. Right now however, I think we all need to put aside our religious differences and emphasize our mutual humanity and shared susceptibility to gunshot wounds.
The walls of the compound are about eight feet tall. The gate is highly formidable.
Ah, if I am inside this compound there is no bullet that can kill me. Forget second coming, forget the severely unrealistic defiance of physical laws as we know them. Let’s agree to disagree on Jesus Christ and his second coming. Forget all of those ones. Me, I have confidence in these walls and this gate to protect me from the cold-hearted bullets tearing through the air. Just let me in please.
Ah! Hand dey scratch me. Ah, e be like say make me sef I go carry my gun from village, make me sef I show these people, ah!
It is the “Second Coming” security guard. I honestly do not know what kind of human being this guy is. He keeps talking about some hypothetical gun that he has in his village. He keeps wishing aloud that he had the gun here, so he could respond in kind to the people shooting ahead.
Yet in spite of all of his chatter, whenever the gunshots get very thunderous, he immediately disappears into the building and locks the gate. Whenever the gunshots subside he reemerges and keeps wishing for his fictitious gun. I honestly do not know what kind of a human being this one is. I honestly do not know.
I am seated behind a very sturdy shipping container, and so I feel safe enough to spare a few hearty laughs at the guy. There is a second guy around- I think he is also a security guard. We both share laughs at Mister I-Wish-My-Gun-In-The-Village-Was-Here.
The guns keep firing.
Part 2.
This post is one in a Series. A list of all of the posts in this Series can be accessed here.
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